Honoring Ed
Two years ago, I met my soul dog. Covid had hit. My oldest went to college. The world turned upside down in a million different ways, both globally and personally. Even though our family already had a dog at the time, Lila, who is still with us, and my daughter’s two rescue cats, I needed a baby, a comfort, a companion.
I found a breeder in Pennsylvania that had a litter of French Bulldog puppies. Since it was only a two-hour drive from my home, I went to meet the breeder and the puppies. The puppies weren’t ready to leave their mama yet, so I returned home, sent in a deposit, and six or so weeks later, drove another two hours to pick up my new companion.
Little did I know what I was getting.
He was a black Frenchie, with a small bit of white on his chest. I chose the color simply because he matched Lila, who was black and white. Choosing and adopting Ed was very much done on a whim. It was an impulsive and rash, and very expensive decision.
It was also the absolute best decision of my life. Why?
Because I met my soul dog that day.
His name was Edward Cullen Meyer, and he was a character. No one could look at Ed and not smile. He brightened every room he was in, touched every person he met. A stranger even came up to me at my son’s baseball tournament and asked, “Is this the infamous Ed?” I’d never seen the man before, and never saw the man again.
Ed was, simply, Ed, and everyone loved him. I adored, cherished, and bonded with him in a way that I knew, even when he was alive, was very special.
He was my best friend, and I don’t say that lightly. He truly was my soulmate. If you’ve met your soul pet, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Ed had a congenital heart condition that would take him from me two years later, about five months ago. Only now can I even think about writing about him. Even now I am sobbing because I miss him so much. Some days I can’t stand it, my heart hurts so bad.
But we all know the price of love is loss. I wouldn’t trade a single tear, and I’ve shed millions since he died.
What is a soul dog? A soul pet is the pet that you have an almost otherworldly connection with; that you bond with at a deeper level than other pets; that you feel a spiritual connection with. When you have that connection, you don’t need to justify it. You just know it. Your soul knows it.
All animals are special. In fact, I believe all animals are angels. They love without condition, are happy without qualification, are silly, cuddly, and all around essential to quality of life. All they expect from us in return is love and care.
Soul pets, though, are a step beyond. There was something undoubtedly special about Ed, and everyone felt it. Especially me. I love Lila with all my heart. This post takes nothing away from how much I love her. But Ed was…Ed. Sometimes that’s the only way I can sum him up.
He had a big job to do, down on earth as my companion, but he did it with unconditional love and attention. He filled me with so much joy on a daily basis, the absence of that joy is strikingly sharp.
I truly believe Edward chose to come to earth to be by my side during the hardest two years of my life. I don’t know how I would’ve survived without him.
He was special with a capitol ‘S’, and we were very, very close. Where I was, Ed was. Where I sat, Ed sat. Where I walked, Ed walked. I stayed home on countless times just to be with him. I woke up every morning at 5:00 am to be with him, weekends included.
His presence physically warmed my heart. I could literally feel my love for him in my chest, it was so profound.
As his health declined, I would tell him that it was okay to leave this earth, that I was okay. And I would thank him for coming to me when I needed him most. And that I loved him so much, I wouldn’t want him to linger and suffer for me.
And then, we put him down.
I miss him so much right now I’m not sure I can finish this piece. But it’s important to grieve our animals, and that’s why this piece is important, to me and to others who wonder how on earth they can face another day without their beloved pet. And if you are fortunate enough to have met your soul animal, their loss is even more traumatic.
One day I’ll write about how incredible Lila was in the days after Ed’s passing, when I couldn’t stand to go downstairs in the mornings and not see him, when I felt pangs of such deep loneliness, I didn’t know if they’d ever lessen. My connection to her is deeper now that Ed has passed. She knew she had big shoes to fill and a very broken heart to help mend, and she has been such a blessing.
But Ed was Ed. Ed was my soulmate.
Ed is worth every ounce of grief that my broken heart is experiencing, so I don’t diminish it or rush it.
I hope the above wasn’t too rambling, but I needed to write it, and am crying too hard to keep going back and editing it.
So now to the next point of this blog:
Support and Resources
This first one might come as a surprise, but animal mediums can bring great comfort. Fortunately for me, I already had a relationship with a psychic medium who helped me through two other devastating deaths of (human) loved ones.
I spoke with her on the phone a couple of months before Ed passed. I was sitting at my desk, turned around on my swivel chair, staring at Ed, who was lying on the end of the bed, staring at me.
Two things I really needed to know:
1.Does Ed know how much I love him?
2.Has he been happy/had a good life?
She told me how much he loved me, and that he knew how much I loved him. She paused. Ed and I continued to look at each other. And then she said, “Kisses, kisses, kisses,” out of nowhere, and I started sobbing.
I kissed Ed’s head a hundred times a day. I’d say, “Give me kisses,” and I’d kiss his head three times. Literally a hundred times a day.
Her words verified and validated several things for me—that he knew how special he was to me and that he’d been happy—and her knowledge of the kisses confirmed she knew what she was talking about.
She also told me another thing that was tremendously helpful: pets choose us. That only validated what I already knew—Ed came into my life for a reason. I have zero doubt about this. He came to earth sick, and only lived two years, but came anyway because I desperately needed him.
I think he knew he needed to come to me when he did versus waiting for a time when he could come to earth healthier because I was not in a good place. I was in a dark place, teetering on a knife’s edge. But that was the sacrifice. Come to me when I needed him most, but break my heart by leaving me too quickly. He knew I was strong enough by then, though, and knew I’d manage, while devastated, once he left.
If you’re hurting, struggling, finding it difficult to manage daily activities or to cope with the grief, there is help. Of course, the starting point is loved ones and friends. You’d be surprised how many people suffer pet loss and the subsequent grief alone because they feel others won’t understand. This isn’t true. Many, many people understand, and will be open to talking about it. Some, like me, can’t talk about it yet, and that’s okay too. Writing this was a first step.
There are support groups for pet grief. Here are the resources I’ve accumulated:
1.Ask your vet for grief groups in your area.
2.https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/grief_support_center/grief_support_home.htm
3.https://www.self.com/story/how-to-cope-with-pet-grief
4.https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources
5.https://www.aplb.org
Also reach out to others via social media. Pets are part of our family. They deserve to be grieved, and you deserve the chance to grieve. Without judgment or invalidation, or the urging to move on already. Finding people who can understand and sympathize will help mend your broken heart. Talking to others about your soul pet, others who won’t rush you or judge you is imperative in the grief and healing process.
How to Honor Your Soul Pet
Finally, deepest sympathies to any of you who have lost your beloved companion. The pain feels unbearable, so my last suggestion is do something that is meaningful, that honors that soul pet in a unique and special way.
Some thoughts:
1.You can purchase jewelry meant to hold ashes. This might be a way to keep your pet with you.
2.Purchase a piece of jewelry that will evoke memories of that special bond. For me, I started wearing black onyx. Every time I touch my black onyx necklace, I think of Ed. And I smile, even if I start crying.
3.Get a special frame and put their picture in it. Or have their likeness painted on canvas.
4.Get a tattoo.
I would suggest considering a new pet too quickly very carefully. Sometimes this works. Sometimes, we simply want to recreate what we had with our soul pet, and that’s not always possible. Each animal is different. Make sure you’re not trying to replace your soul pet, and are truly ready for a new experience.
Many hugs, my friends.
This made me cry
Even though my soul dog passed almost two and a half years ago, I still cry at the drop of a hat, I just can’t contain it, because if you have had that heart connection with a dog, you understand
So sorry you lost your boy at such a young age, that’s very hard
Thankyou for writing this❤️
We lost our 9 year old Rottie to osteosarcoma. Our hearts and our house are empty. She was our sweet girl, her name is Sierra. We got her as a pup, the bond was so strong. The day we had to put her to sleep was the worst day ever. We miss her so much, the house is so quiet without her presence and her sweet spirit. We love and miss you Sierra.
I lost my soul dog, Harley 2/18/24 when he wasn’t even 7 yet. He was my best friend, my person, my whole world. I don’t care if he’s never spoken two words to me he was my favorite person on planet earth. I miss him dearly, I can’t even put into words. I wish everyday this was a nightmare that I could wake up from. He got cancer suddenly and I had to put him down. It came out of nowhere and turned my world upside down and I feel like I will never be the same. I’m so angry, I feel like why would god take him from me? I lost my mom in 2017 why would I have to lose my dog too? It’s not fair. I want him back
Oh my word. I lost my soul dog the end of February. Same story, cancer out of nowhere, no signs, no nothing, i couldnt do anything, it was too late. I thought the vet is crazy, he was just a bit off balance. I thought an ear infection, he ate, played, walked everyday, did tricks, gave hugs and and a healthy dog. Vet gave 2 to 3 months. Since taking him to the vet the first time. It wasnt even 3 weeks later. 6 days after the scan 6 days after the vet said 2 to 3 months. He was 9 years old, came into my life at 6 weeks old, dehydrated, climbed in under my hair when i picked him up. The carpet pulled out from under me, so quickly,so unexpectedly, my whole world came crushing down. Life is unfair! I’m still angry I’m still in denial, I still can’t accept it! I am going crazy my side.
I bawled reading this! I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Frenchie Stella 3 days ago and I’m utterly broken. I had her for 4 years. The grief is breaking every inch of my soul! I believe she was/is my soul pet also. It’s that connection to her that I could never explain, I just know it exist. Even my husband had said in the past “she’s your dog, I can’t explain it”. I took comfort in reading your words and will take in some thought on how to honor her. I do believe she will come back to me in another form later down the road when I’m ready or most need that connection. In some personality of another puppy maybe. I have two other dogs that are working overtime in filling Stella’s shoes. I know they can feel my grief. And they do try their very best to help me through the worst of it. I make sure to let them know I am so grateful for them by giving them treats or extra pets and scratches. I know dogs aren’t meant to be with us forever, but I would’ve like to have kept mine for a little longer. Four years was not nearly enough. My heart goes out to you for sharing this. Thank you again- Megan
Yes I understand completely..I lost my.dog BUDDY..A FEW DAYS AGO. HE WAS 14. AND STILL WANTED MORE TIME WITH..HE GOT SICK..BUT KEPT PUSHING. BUT HE WAS IN PAIN..COULD NOT DO IT ANYMORE..HE PASSED AT HOME..MY FAMILY ARE GRIEVING..ITS HARD.but have good support.from family..friends also..I’m taking it day by day..but grateful.that had him so long. Yes they have short lives but I was with him everday..What to do without him..don’t know yet?? I spoke his vet. And she you were and excellent pet parent..and took care of him well..that.why he lived soon long!!..so now. Take of YOU!..IN TIME YOU WILL BE OK…ITS TIME!!.SHE HELPED ME ALOT..GOD BLESS HER. !! .WE WILL HEAL BUT NEVER FORGET !!..TAKE CARE..
I totally agree with you.I just lost my soul baby. She was 4 1:2 and a truck hit her and I literally thought I was gonna die. It’s been 5 days and I still have this pain and heartbreak. I have pictures of her everywhere and I have 2 other pups, but they are so different from her, we had a connection that is indescribable. She saved me after 4 very close losses in 4 short months and I also about passed and it is eating me up I couldn’t save her.
Thank you so much for this. This is exactly how I’m feeling. I lost my soulmate a little over a month ago and it’s a grief I have never experienced before (and I lost my dad in a very traumatic way). I haven’t even begun to truly process it, I just cry so much. He was SO special and so many people saw it. So many people who never even met him in person cried when he died. He had such an impact on me and so many others. Thank you for sharing your pain. So many people feel the same.
Thank you for taking the time to write this. Reading it really helped me. Like my thoughts on paper.
My baby, Chowder, passed a few weeks ago. I was so, so incredibly blessed to have 15 years with him. But it will never feel like enough when you want to be with them forever and ever.
I also talked to a medium years ago, I am a Christian and struggled with if this was the right thing to do and how God would view it, but it did help even further our connection. I feel even after he has passed that he’s been sending me signs he’s ok. That’s the hardest part- we spend all of our moments protecting them and then we feel we can’t anymore. Birds, being out in nature, and even the wind makes me feel him. I can’t express how much love I have for him. There’s no words for it. It is on a deep soul level. Thank you for your words. I also cried so much reading this, but somehow it all helps.
I lost my 14 year old dog Brownie in June to a fire along with my three puppies. He was my sould dog and I’m currently bawling my eyes out because I miss him so much right now. I had him since I was 7 and he was my everything. I adopted 3 more dogs last month, but I rushed into it. It’s not that I don’t love them because I do, I just miss him so much that it hurts. He was my baby and my main tether to myself. I think about him almost daily, but it doesn’t get better. I miss him so much.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I wish we could keep our fur babies forever. I lost my beautiful girl Donny last month. When she was a kitten, she was in an accident that left her with special needs. I took her to the litter box 3 times a day to manually express her bladder, then give her meds and food. She was my soul cat. I loved her so much and she loved me back. She always wanted to lay on me and follow me everywhere. She would rub her face on my leg while staring in my eyes, waiting for affection. She was also so smart, and taught herself to play tag and fetch which we did often. After 3 years, she started getting more sickly, and the vet could not find any new medicines to help her anymore. She finally passed on her own. I miss her with everything inside of me. I have 3 other cats who I love, but they are just cats. They like me enough to sit close by, but they don’t love me the way Donny did. I miss the connection we had, and now I just feel lonely without her. Life was hard with her, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I stumbled upon this article searching for any sense of hope in my despair of losing my own soul dog only a few days ago. Your words touched me and spoke to me in ways I almost desperately needed. Every feeling you describe, every word you wrote, it’s as if you were speaking directly to me. I thank you.
I LOVE HIS NAME THAT MELTED MY HEART “EDWARD CULLEN”
My soul dog, Charlie, went into cardiac arrest 8 days ago while playing in the snow with us. She was 3. I have never felt such deep sadness; it’s as though my heart is broken in half. She was loved, spoiled and she was my baby. Our other dog, Tucker, is such a good boy, and tending to him takes my mind off of my sadness, if only for a minute. I can relate so closely, because Charlie was… Charlie.
I lost my soulmate yesterday and the world is ugly and cold. i dont know how to exist right now but im trying and its the most fked thing ive ever done. Huckleberry isn’t here. It hurts it hurts it hurts.
Thank you for posting. I just lost my soul dog after six years. A blood clot that took her in her sleep. Life is cruel and unfair. But I wouldn’t give up loving my Dixie girl for all the grief in the world.
I lost my soulmate Shih Tsu 2 days ago. He was old, 14 and a half. He’s slowed down considerably and i think had dementia, he would often just stand and stare. I thought this was just a sign of old age but with hindsight, his quality of life had deteriorated and he’d lost his spark. I didn’t know this was a sign to talk to the vets about euthanasia. He went downhill on Sunday and I took him to the vets on Monday thinking he may be suffering with a tooth abcess, but turned out to be a tumour. I knew he’d had enough so I did the kindest thing for him. I am utterly heartbroken. He was truly ‘my’ dog. I have another dog but we don’t have the same connection. Now I’m scared of losing her. She’s 2 years younger. I am now riddled with guilt, beating myself up about not paying enough attention to him sooner. I could have alleviated his pain and suffering. Yes I blame a busy schedule, but I should have noticed him. I’m finding that the hardest part. To say we were soul mates I feel ive let him down. I love him so much and life will never be the same. I feel everyone’s pain. It’s so hard.
Thank you for writing this. I thought I was the only one that felt that kind of soul connection with my Pepe. Our sweet boy left us behind and his littermate Lola behind and we are all beside ourselves. I’ve always loved Lola as well, but Pepe from the get go was my soul dog and he and I had an unspoken bond; I hated when everyone said I loved him more because I felt bad about my little Lola but that wasn’t the case. Pepe was just devoted to me with a spunky personality; he was different and I loved that about him. I understood him and he understood me. Losing him this past week so suddenly is the biggest heartache I’ve ever had to endure and I’ve experienced great tragedies and I feel like nothing compares. The silence is deafening and I wonder if my heart will ever mend. But alas, just wanted to come on here to say thank you for sharing. I truly feel your pain and understand what you mean about soul pet. He truly was my soulmate and I hope to be reunited with him one day. He healed me and my god did he take a big chunk of my heart with him. Sending love your way.